Priorities. Family. Doing What is Right for You.

To preface this post I want to give you some background.  This entry was originally written last January.  January 17, 2014 to be exact.  It has since been tweaked to focus on the upcoming holidays as opposed to the referencing of the past holidays which was in the original writing.  The exact moment I went to hit publish in blogger, my iPad cut and auto-saved.  I was ticked beyond believe and some of my followers got to witness the following moments of my disappointment and pain as it deleted everything.  So I immediately rewrote and was so frustrated that I couldn't bring myself to re-post that same night.  I planned to go forward with publishing after a few days went by in order for me to breathe it out.  Certainly, the original writing had much more of an impact and was much more deep...but seriously who can bring that out of thin air twice.  The woes of journalism. Then on January 22, 2014 at 7:30 a.m. my world changed forever and this blog really hit home.  The most important person, my very favorite and most cherished person of my entire 30 years of existence died.  My Gramma.  This blog and several others were put on hold.  It became a situation of excuses, oh well I just don't know what is the best title now (specifically for this one), or this such & such, or oh that such & such.  Shortly, after my Gramma left us my dearest friend found out her mother was suffering from very advanced cancer.  So much has happened this year and for the first time in 31 years of my life I experienced what most feel like on a regular basis.  I couldn't be me.  Just me and do what I do best.  I always bring my A game, 300%, I am over the top and I love my naturally creative-self.  But this year was a struggle.  I have never, never, never been able to empathize with someone or anyone commenting "well it is a lot you take on" or "it's too much to do" because I have never had a road block of energy or effort-resistance in my entire life.  It has always been an insult for someone to say that to me because it meant they didn't take the time to know me.  Well now, I have experienced it.  I see what it is like.  In August, I finally realized that seven months had passed by and I was not Angela....I certainly wasn't Angela O'.  Now I am back and I am loving it.  So here is that heart felt blog that was originally to publish in January 2014.  It is far from being the best that it was but I don't fail to present.

***

The holidays are coming up and the biggest pressure that is put on a couple during the season of greetings is dealing with the stress of family members.  Both those by marriage and by blood.  It seems to have been a bit of a taboo topic in recent past but one that has generated enough discussion for society to admit that it has become a serious source of discomfort for new and long-time couples.

{Original: Now that the holidays have passed} We can openly discuss some of the pressures that come along with vacations and holidays.  Or simply put, the demands.  The demands induced by family, the spouse, or your own personal requirements and goals.  The demands to spend time with each and every person or to in fact spend the holidays with only "the other family".

The solution to this headache is to commit to two separate setups.  No one has the right to pressure or guilt you into your choice because it is not wrong.  There should be no reason that this would cause a riff with your in-laws.  It should only cause appreciation that you are willing to share your significant other and recognition that you can allow him/her to to have freedom from being around you 24/7.  It is okay to share and to be shared with your family and their family.  You will soon enough be going back home to your couple status to conduct business as usual.  The purpose of this blog is to share the words and emotions to let you know it is okay. You are not the only one caught in the middle and wondering what to do.  And this isn't something new, just never openly discussed.

It is hard enough taking time off of work and coordinating your spouse's career schedule along with having to divvy out the cash to make an anticipated trip.  You should be able to cherish those special bonds and relationships with the people who mean the most, knowing that you are on limited time.  So if it means that you visit your parents while he visits his parents during the holiday season, that is okay.  Truth be told it is however you are comfortable.  And the true reason is because we don't have a very long life and our elders have a lesser length of time so why do we want to miss out on what we can partake in. 

Two family members of mine, a couple that are very experienced in marriage and even mathematically wiser in age would make regular visits to Illinois.  They would pack up their one vehicle and drive for 19 hours to visit family.  Both sets of parents lived in rural towns approximately 30 minutes from one another.  However, the wife would choose to spend the nights with her mom and the husband would choose to spend the nights with his mom.  It was fair to both of them.  While they saw each other during the day sharing various activities on their calendars they knew in their heart what was comfortable to each of them and where their heart called home each night.

The second couple grew up in a neighboring Midwest state but did not meet and marry until both moved far away.  Occasionally, they would make trips to see both of their families over the holidays. When the time came they were confident enough to go their separate ways and each stay with his/her own parents.  A couple hours distance was between them both, but their hearts never faltered for one another.  

Another Midwestern couple who moved far away to better their career and livelihood would still make regular trips to their hometown.  Both of their parents believe it or not, lived only blocks from one another.  You might assume that this would make their stay so much easier.  But the fact of the matter is that sharing time and relationships is never easy-peasy-Japanesey.  For several years, the couple would spend their nights slumber with only one parent and during the day spread out their affection with everyone.  Suddenly, this year they decided to transition into a bit of a family split.  She stayed spent the nights with her parents, and he spent the nights with his.  It just made for ease of visiting everyone with the best quality time as possible.  The sweetest couple you will ever know made a tough decision that was just the best thing for the couple.  Oh yeah, and they had a baby!

The truth is that you have to do what is right in your heart for you.  Spending the time with your family and friends who were a great part of your life.  Whether it be your bestest friend, grandmother, grandfather, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or group of best friendsThose bonds and relationships will be forever important and when you became an adult you don't get to encounter them the same way as you did in childhood.  You never know when that opportunity will be permanently taken away from you.  No one should give you any grief, guilt or pressure based on your decisions.  Not parents, step-parents, in-laws, or whoever because you are the adult of your existence.  Period.  

With Love, 

Angela O'

Hot Issues, Smug Thoughts, Dirty Lies and Little Secrets!

Hey everyone,

2014 is a year that I really want to open up my blog for more discussion.  From day one, before ever publishing my blog I wanted to be able to communicate hot, trivial, and/or touchy subjects.   Just random subjects, even the ones awarded with the dumbfounded question "what the heck do we do now?"  Issues that are very common in our modern day society but may or may not have been so different from past generations. 

My blog will permanently remain a mix of fun and light-hearted because fun is truly me.  I love creating and sharing, finding new opportunities and amazing places to visit.  However, I don't want to be all fluff.  I'm an all-around American gal and must remember that I've wanted to be a little freelance journalist, an observer, and a hot topic discussion starter when I was a kid.  I've always enjoyed asking "why?" and wanting to know all the options and opinions.

 And quite frankly the TRUTH IS:  You know you are more interested in reading the really dirty, rough and tough subjects.  You've been caught on the poll reader results! You prefer to read articles with a more racy subject heading.  

So this is where I ask your help.  I have about 60 pre-outlined, unpublished topics that started in 2012 at the blog birthplace.  But I want to hear more topics from you.  What are issues or hot topics that grinds your gears??  Give me your opinion on that topic too.  You may privately message me or email me if you don't want your name posted with the topic you submit.  If you submit a comment on the blog directly as "idea submission only" rather than blog comment then I'll know to monitor it before it gets posted.  Just please note that in your comment.

~ With Angela O'

You Have No Right To Meddle

I've come across a lot of discussions regarding individuals or couples trying to meddle in someone else's birthing practices.  Specifically, the naming of the child.  Let's set the record straight.  Unless you are the parent who is physically giving birth or the other parent who physically conceived the kid that will be born you have absolutely zero right to meddle or get mad about the identification title of the child.

This goes for mothers and fathers of the carrying couple or individual, grandparents, aunts, uncles, or anyone on the street.  Now, everyone has an opinion and one should learn how to politely offer their opinion to the carrying couple/individual in a non-aggressive way so that it is on the table.  This includes hostile or passive aggressive.  And be done.  Period.  Don't excessively complain to another soul about what that couple/individual is naming their child.  It is sick and annoying and just darn disrespectful to the two who will be responsible for raising their child.  

Some of you may say, "well what if that name has been in our family for years??  Well then that should be an exception??"  NOT!  Zero exception.  Unless you are carrying that child in your abdomen or have conceived that child you have zero say.  Period.  Now I will be up front and tell you that I have married into a family where the Irish bloodline is strong and the names are stronger.  The men share not only the first, last and suffix but the middle name as well.  The only, and I mean thee absolutely ONLY way that it is acceptable to chose the carrying on of the name is if that the carrying or conceiving parent desires to pass it on.  If both of them say "over my dead body" then you better believe it and back down because it is not your child.  I am absolutely positive that individuals in my family are reading this post, and are moments away from fainting or blowing a gasket.  Well you can rest assured that my husband and I have chosen to continue the male succession when the time comes for the fourth to reign.  But regardless, it doesn't change the facts at hand.  If we had chosen to be done with the naming game then everyone else would have no choice but to respect that. Period.

It is the same principal if one gets irritated that a child did not get named after their mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, or any other member of their extended family.  If you did not conceive or carry the child then you have zero right to meddle.  Please be respectful of the parent-to-be and learn to support them rather than be a negative-being.

This has happened so many times in front of my eyes that it is sickening.  It's not like you have an indirect relationship with the people and will never meet their creation so think before you speak.

P.S.  If there is one parent who wants to carry on a family name and parent two does not, then they have to work it out for themselves.  In an ideal world, parent two would honor the wishes of parent one and just be respectful and caring of the sentiment.  However, if it is not resolved and parent two wins the situation....Leave it Alone! Unless you are: Parent One or Parent Two!

Crazy Woman Went on a Rampage Today

Crazy woman at my grocery store went on a rampage today.  The customer was so impatient that she couldn't wait for me to be properly checked out in the line and certainly did not want to wait for my groceries to be bagged.  It also must have irritated her that the cashier and I were smiling and having a pleasant conversation.  Next thing I know, a shopping cart was being rammed into my butt.  Not once, not twice, not three times but however many times it took for me to be pushed out of the cashier line and literally down past the baggers.  Swallow this....She did it on purpose.  That's right ladies and gentlemen, she rammed her cart into my butt multiple times on purpose!!!  Today I was having a great day, the weather was beautiful, time was going by at a perfect rate, and I was in good company so lucky for her I just smiled and continued on my conversation.  I didn't even respond to her ignorance.  But get this...She pushed me so far out she got her pay back when I had to go back up to the cashier so she could start my second transaction on the conveyor belt.  LOL!  Hah, impatient grocery customer.  Chill your heels.  Naturally, I had to pay....well the lady stuck up her nose and turned her head because she wanted to refuse my access to the credit card swipe key pad.  I looked at her, pointed to credit card machine and said, "excuse me please, I need to get in there to finish my transaction".  She grunted and moved her cart at an angle 2 feet to let me in.  

I left to load my vehicle and came back into to double check something for one minute and walked passed my cashier.  Her and I looked at each other and couldn't stop laughing!!  Believe it or not, yes Four Points we have a impatient woman who rampages at our local HEB ramming carts into your behind.  Gosh if only that 50-year-old woman's mother was around, I wonder if she would have tolerated that from her kid!

You Don't Know Me

Don't you find it odd (and rude) when someone who you barely know or is maybe just your acquaintance through work or a organization thinks that they know every part of you well enough to make decisions your behalf.  It's funny how some people actually think they know everything but don't take the time to learn about the people that surround them.  Here are some of the silly  situations I have encountered.

1. When I was in college I served on the Student Senate.  We traveled to St. Louis for a retreat and chose to dine at The Old Spaghetti Factory.  One of my fellow executive board members brought up how delicious Olive Garden salad was as we were choosing our salads to order that evening.  Everyone was commenting and when it became my turn I said "I don't like Olive Garden salad".  The person who started the conversation responded, a bit too much aggressiveness "It's not the salad you don't like, it's just the dressing you don't like".  Hmmm, I'm sorry but actually I despise Olive Garden salad for multiple reasons and the dressing is only one of them.  LOL!!  Try that I don't like the type of lettuce used or the salad toppings such as the olives or the pepperoncini.  FYI, my favorite salad of chose is leafy romaine Caesar salad.

2.  I am a fast-paced person.  I was never content growing up in the rural Midwest I always wanted to travel and be on my feet.  As soon as I graduated college I moved to Florida, literally within two days of graduation.  Now I'm in Texas.  I've always dreamed of living in California, any part.  One day while at the office a co-worker in midst of a light conversation about my next move says to me "Have you ever been to California? ..., Oh you won't like it".  How odd, shouldn't you let each person experience their travels for themselves.  Lord knows I am not like that person so why would I experience things in same way as them?

3.  Same story as number two, only it happened a few weeks ago with someone I have only spoken with two or three times over a course of two years.  The topic of chose was me visiting London, England.  Hmmm....REALLY?

4.  Years ago while lunching with some of my coworkers (the best of my coworkers friends) we got into a deep conversation about our parenting experiences.  When I say "our parenting experiences", I mean how our parents raised us as kids not how we should raise kids.  I personally have several not-so-savory memories from my childhood which I was sharing with a coworker friend who had compared similar situations of their own (I also have many great memories for you critics out there).  The HR person decided to walk into the conversation and literally challenge what our "bad" parenting experiences were, pointing out very racy child topics saying that she really felt they weren't a problem.  Now everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however it was very flabbergasting to me as to how this person chose to comment after walking into the middle of the conversation without real understanding of what we were discussing and how it affected us personally but decidedly felt like they knew best for everyone.

The one question I leave you with is: What exactly does it mean when someone says to me, about me ..."That's not my thing?"  Really, then please tell me in your words what you think exactly is MY thing?

30 Growing Pains: When To Update Your Friend Status

A huge moment in my life is about to happen.  Thursday February 21, 2013 is my half birthday and while I've celebrated my half birthdays long since they were in the single digits this one in particular holds a lot of weight.  I will be 29 and a half, 6 months until I turn the big 3-0.  Turning 30 is a very serious deal that each woman must learn to embrace with open arms.  In the process of getting yourself ready to turn 30 there are usually trials and tribulations that each must experience before embarking upon the new journey.  Last August when I turned 29 I was excited to make the most of my last year as a twenty-something.  But when I turned 26 and 27 I cried because I felt like I was getting too old, too quickly.  When I turned 28, I forced myself to suck it up and not worry about it.

One of those growing pains tends to rear its ugly head in the mid-to-late twenties when you realize that some of your relationships need to be questioned.  Those strictly platonic relationships.  The ones that either you really do rely on or you are just expected to maintain the relationship because it was strong in junior high or high school.

I have always been one to stay in touch.  I try very hard to keep up with someone and while I may have 6 months or a year of faltering I absolutely refuse many years to pass if I want to make sure to maintain a serious relationship with someone.  Recently, I contacted my friend Kayla who I went to college with.  We had a great time together as floormates and Co-RA's but for some reason when we graduated we went completely separate ways.  Oddly enough we were connected more than by college, we both had very dear family members in the same small town with a population of 1200 and our families went to the same church there.  So definitely that was a relationship not to be lost.  But for some reason we just forgot.

I always make sure to send a Christmas card to everyone who I feel is important enough to stay in our lives whether or not we talk to them regularly.  This way each person knows that even though we don't spend a lot of time chatting that we do think of them often.  This year our list was like 86 cards, trimmed down.  I know, gasp right?  It does get expensive but it is so worth it to have that communication.  And even though John and I are a couple with no children we try to send custom cards with photos to make the small amount of communication a bit more quality.  Now, I know some of you are thinking "why should I send a card to family and friends when they aren't going care enough to send one to me".  For ten years I have tried to stay away from that awful negative attitude.  I am a lover and I do want to embrace everyone.  So I shake my head and say of course I am going to send a card to ALL of my family and friends.  Well at my 29th Christmas I finally had an epiphany that probably came with age or pure exhaustion.  Why in the world should I try so hard for people who are either lazy or just don't care about relationships the way I do.   Immediately I tried to push the idea out of my head as it was very taboo and new to me but it the thought wouldn't leave my head. This was something that I had to bring it up to my best friend, Rhonda for some heavy criticism.  I needed to air out the topic with someone who is similar to me on many levels until I could determine what was just right for me.  So when my 30th Christmas arrives this December I will have a well trimmed list, well right now I have only pre-trimmed maybe 15 people but it is a start.  And I don't regret it one bit.  My best friends helped me to realize that this is the time in my life is about weeding out those great and amazing relationships from those that are struggling, crippling, or just useless.  Luckily I have a circle of best friends that bubble around my age so that we all  relate to the one another's crisis about the same time in our lives.  Rhonda is barely a few years ahead of me while Casie and Allison are a year or few below.  So between the four of us I would say my problems are solved, well almost.  Sometimes I do need to call on someone well beyond our years for that well-advised conversation.  That is were my aunts and Nannie come in.

My first clue that I was outgrowing certain relationships was during the preparation for my wedding.  Actually no, it was probably during college when a specific friend would be dishonest about certain communications between us and constantly use the excuse "Oh you are always to busy for us to hang out".  I guess she was a master at my schedule since she only called me when she wanted something but of course I had to be the ultimate friend and hang on for dear life.  Partially because that was what was expected in our home life.  But once you start to prepare for your wedding you begin to realize that you're no longer a college kid anymore.  During my wedding I was far from everyone, but in a beautiful region that I dreamed to have my wedding...the coast.  Two of my bridesmaids were going to have to travel across country while the third lived in Florida but was attending college about 4 hours away.  I should have realized when one of them depended solely on one-way communication that something was up.  The bridesmaid refused to spend anytime with me during her weekend in Florida while all the other girls were at my side night and day. She then made up the excuse that she had told me ahead of time that she could not afford to get her hair done for the wedding.  Well at that point I just decided to give up because it wasn't worth it.  If she would have been open with me she then would have known that her hair would have been paid for...by the bride.  Each bridesmaid had something different were I would try to help them out, not much but something to offset the expense of a friends wedding.  Unfortunately I did pay full price for a bridesmaid who threw out to me 12 hours prior that she was not planning to accompany me anywhere.  Maybe another clue was when she made a snide comment about me smashing a bug on her wedding dress years prior when I was assigned dress bug removal duty at an outdoor wedding.  Who knows but it was long there....

Another person who I called a great friend shared countless special moments with me.  From homecoming, shopping, and summer camp to parents divorces and marriages.  It was great and I thoroughly enjoyed spending nights at her house for sleepovers and hanging out with her parents.  We definitely went through a lot together but the one thing that always hung over my head is that she would steal from me.  Not money, she didn't need the cash, no she would just take things.  It was weird, I chalked it up to just something harmless she did because the things were so tiny and really meaningless material items.  In sixth grade, my crafty self started making and selling leather keychains with the pony beads and metal decorative plate.  You remember the trend?  The suede lace was strung through the center of the decorative plate (usually a circle or a heart) and the beads were placed on each end of the suede that was hanging out.  Oh, the trends in junior high.  It was very country.  Anyway she took one of those out of my bag while we were sitting in the cafeteria and said that another friend gave it to her.  Really she could have just asked me for it, I think I was only selling them for $1.50 or something.  Oh the silly woes of young ones.  It went on over the years with things like clicking pencil erasers and costume necklaces.  But other than that our friendship remained the same.  She was sweet to me and included me in a lot of activities and we always enjoyed one another's company so I ignored the subject quite a bit.  One day after high school the nail was put into the coffin.  This was ultimately our last sleepover as we were off to college, ready to embark our separate ways.  One last good hurrah.  She asked me if I wanted to see her coin collection that she had been working on over years.  It was a nice collection and I commented that way.  And then she said, "Now that I showed this to you, you aren't going to try and steal it from me, are you?"  I just looked at her in disbelief.  I couldn't believe that she would ask me that.  Of everyone in our large group of friends, I was the only one who didn't talk behind someone's back and I didn't spread horrible lies about each other like everyone else in our high school friend group.  She should know that I wouldn't dream of anything so disrespectful and not to mention I wasn't the one who stole things but that was when I realized that she was asking because she wondered what it would be like tables turned.  I guess a bit of morbid curiosity.  She is still nice but there are many other things that I realized that don't quite make us match up like a puzzle piece anymore.  Enough to fortunately know that is the type of situation I no longer will put myself in as an adult.

More recently I briefly visited some high school friends during a trip to Illinois.  As we were about to leave I passed out my goodbye hugs.  During those hugs I gave out one extra that was extremely awkward.  First of all let me clarify that I hate making people feel left out because I think it is extremely rude, even if I don't know them or don't like them.  I was raised to be cordial and polite regardless.  So I gave a goodbye hug to this one person who I have actually never been friends with but we had many mutual friends and were on the same sports team and shared classes.  We hung out because our friends hung out but frankly that was were it stopped.  The hug was so weird and so forced that after I thought what the heck am I doing?  No one else goes to such lengths and then comes out with a meaningless hug and awkward looks.  I don't want any hug that I give to be meaningless, it's sad and wasteful.  Looking back I did that with a Christmas present for her one year, perfume from a dollar store so she wouldn't be left out.  This was the moment I realized that I don't have to put myself out there because of someone else...I can just be myself and not be rude.  And not cave in to other peoples woes.

But you know it doesn't stop there.  One of my Floridian friends had a scheduled lunch date with two of her own friends.  She gets to the restaurant and corresponds with them via phone and text messages the entire time.  They tell her that they are on their way.  This goes back and forth over something like a twenty minute period.  She finally orders her lunch without them so that she won't be late on her return trip to work.  They then tell her that they are going to arrive any minute and that they are not around the corner.  They never come.  They were just leading her on the entire time like school children.   After that they never explained themselves, just played around like kids.  Really?  Why stand-up someone at a lunch?!

To make matters worse today we have new struggles that other generations have not ever had to face when it comes to relationships, those that come along with an internet attachment.  With all of this social media hype society has apparently forgotten common courtesy.  To some points were they are just rude and disrespectful.  Now I will clarify that this does not include an event where there are a mass amount of people invited and that you have posted an open invitation on a social site.  This is about a private event where you have sent out physical invitations and had private conversations with those guests, confirming their intent.  Last summer, I had an intimate dessert and drink event in celebration of my 29th birthday in our home.  Because of the specific party accessories I had chosen for this event I was limited to only eight attendees.  It was painful because there were some people who I wanted to join us that ultimately ended up on a waiting list.  It was strictly dependent on RSVP's of others that would decide if I could send the next person an invite.  I am not shallow and would normally not have a wait list for my birthday, we just had a very tiny apartment and anymore than 8 would have been uncomfortable.  One person decided after we discussed (their) attendance to text me ten minutes before everyone was to arrive stating that she sent me a Facebook message to back out of attending an hour earlier because of poor planning on her part.   In the text she mentioned that we will get together for lunch instead.  I contacted twice over the next few weeks and never heard from her again.  Awful, just awful.  So much for that summer of joyful company we had together, that was swiftly flushed down the toilet.  

At the end of my journey it is sad that some of those friendships have had to come to a close, but I am not going to weep or loose sleep over it.  In fact, I am more relieved that they have.  At some point you have to realize for yourself that the person you platonic love for just is not good for you, requiring you to move on to have a successful life.  You enjoy the great moments that you had together and just be thankful they will shape you for the better.