Broccoli Cheese Frittata



 I just made this for dinner and it was delish!  You could serve it for a brunch if you so desire.


Ingredients:
1/2 pkg cream cheese, softened
6 eggs
2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup finely diced red pepper
1 cup frozen broccoli florets, thawed or sliced zuchinni (I use fresh broccoli)
4 ounce (aka 1 cup) cheddar cheese, shredded
6 slices firm white sandwich bread
1 tbsp butter or margarine


Instructions:
1.  Preheat oven to 350 F (180 C).  In large bowl, whisk cream cheese until smooth.  Add eggs, milk, flour, salt and black pepper; whisk until well blended and set aside.
2.  Place onion, red pepper, broccoli and cheese in separate prep bowls.  Using 3-inch (7.5 cm) scalloped or round cutter, cut six rounds out of bread slices (discard trimmings).
3.  Melt butter in large skillet over medium heat; arrange bread slices in single layer over bottom of pan.  Cook 1-2 minutes or until golden brown on one side; remove bread from pan and set aside.  Add onion and red pepper; cook and stir 2 minutes.  Remove from heat.  Stir in broccoli and spread evenly over bottom of skillet.  Sprinkle with cheese.
4.  Slowly pour egg mixture over vegetables.  Arrange reserved bread slices, toasted-side up, over egg mixture (do not press down).  Place in oven and back 18 - 20 minutes or until egg mixture is set in center.  Remove from oven; serve warm.

Makes 6 servings

*Recipe credit goes to The Pampered Chef

So here's the deal...you can actually get away with using an entire 8 ounce package of cream cheese in this recipe.  How do I know? Apparently because I didn't completely read the instructions until after I made it!  Haha.

~xoxo, hugs and quiches
Angela O'



Lemon-Olive Shrimp Linguine

We made this the other night for dinner and it was delicious.  Light and refreshing and the very next night I was craving it again!  The only change that I would make would be to add some color to the dish.  I will admit that I forgot to buy the capers on my shopping list so that could have solved the problem before it begun.



 Ingredients:
1 to 2 pounds uncooked, peeled & deveined shrimp
2 T - extra virgin olive oil
2 or 3 tsp - Adams Reserve Rub seasoning
12 to 16 oz - linguine pasta
1/4 c - heavy cream
1/2 c - lemon vinaigrette
1/4 c - capers, rinsed and drained (optional)

 Lemon Vinaigrette  (1/2 cup):
1 tsp - Dijon mustard
1 1/2 T - finely grated lemon zest
2 T plus 1 1/2 tsp - freshly squeezed lemon juice
Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
6 T - extra-virgin olive oil
  • Cook pasta according to package directions.  Drain Well.
  • Meanwhile, toss shrimp with oil and seasoning.  Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat 3 minutes. Saute shrimp 2 minutes or until just beginning to turn pink.
  • Stir in vinaigrette  cream and capers; reduce heat to medium and bring to a boil.  Simmer 3 minutes or until mixture begins to thicken.  
  • Ladle shrimp mixture over cooked pasta and serve immediately
Tips:
  • I use extra cream.  For the two of us, 3/4 cup to 1 cup will suffice.  
  • For the two of us I only cooked about 2 handfuls of shrimp, not measuring.  I'd rather not have the cooked seafood leftovers.  It's best to make it fresh when possible.
  • The original grocery store recipe called for a brand name pre-made lemon-olive vinaigrette from a bottle.  Because I don't like using pre-made ingredients I chose to find my own lemon vinaigrette recipe.  The recipe used is from Martha Stewart.
  • Adam's Reserve Rub can be substituted with any seasonings that you would like.


~xoxo, hugs and quiches
Angela O'

Double Chocolate Cake

Some of you have inquired about John's birthday cake.  I'll share the recipe with you.


Prep - 30 minutes
Bake - 30 minutes
Stand - 30 minutes
Cool - 10 minutes
Oven - 350 degrees


 Cake Ingredients:
3 eggs
2 c - all-purpose flour
3/4 c - unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp - baking soda
3/4 tsp - baking powder
3/4 c- butter, softened
2 c - sugar
2 tsp - vanilla
1 1/2 c - milk
1/2 t - salt
3 oz - dark or bittersweet chocolate, grated

 Chocolate Frosting Ingredients:
1/2 c - butter, softened
2, 3-oz pkg cream cheese, softened
5 oz - unsweetened chocolate, melted and cooled (I think I used like 8 ounces!)
6 to 6 1/2 c - powdered sugar
1/4 c - milk
Cake Instructions:

  • Allow eggs to stand at room temperature 30 minutes.  Meanwhile, grease three 8x1.5-inch round cake pans.  Line bottoms of pans with parchment paper.  Grease parchment paper and lightly flour pans; set aside.  In medium bowl stir together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and 1/2 teaspoon salt; set aside.
  • Preheat oven to 350 F.  In large mixing bowl beat butter with electric mixer on medium to high for 30 seconds.  Gradually add sugar, 1/4 cup at a time, beating on medium until well combined.  Scrape sides of bowl; beat 2 minutes more.  Add eggs one at a time, beating after each addition.  Beat in vanilla.  Alternately add flour mixture and milk to butter mixture, beating on low after each addition just until combined.  Beat on medium to high 20 seconds more.  Stir in grated chocolate   Dived batter among prepared pans.  (If you do not have three pans, refrigerate remaining batter until ready to use.)
  • Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted near centers comes out clean.  Cool cakes in pans on wire racks 10 minutes.  Remove layers from pans.  Cool thoroughly on wire racks.
  • Frost with desired frosting.  Store, covered, in refrigerator. 
  • Makes 16 servings
  • Each Serving (with frosting) 605 cal, 26 g fat, 92 mg chol, 334 sodium, 92 g carb, 4 g fiber, 7g pro.

Frosting Instructions:
  • In large mixing bowl beat butter and cream cheese.
  • Add chocolate and vanilla; beat until blended.
  • Gradually beat in 3 cups powdered sugar and the milk.  
  • Beat in enough remaining powdered sugar to make a spreading consistency.
  • Makes 4 cups.
  • Prep 20 min
*Recipe from Better Homes & Gardens magazine, February 2011


Garbage Problems?



Do you have problems with the garbage bag always falling down into the can?  Is the cherry on top the fresh mess in the bottom?  Well my Aunt Shirley has solved the problem.  I found this dandy little trick when I borrowed her kitchen to make a feast one day.  She has no idea that I am sharing it.

Just get the adhesive hooks made by companies like 3M Command and place them upside down on the sides of the garbage can.

Voila!!




Ambrosia

Today was a perfect day for grilling outside with a couple of friends.  Nothing is a better compliment to food from the hot grill than the sweet cool taste of fluffy Ambrosia salad.  I have been eating this stuff since I was a kid and I still love it.  It makes about 10 to 12 servings and only takes 5 minutes to prepare.



INGREDIENTS:

1 - 11 oz can mandarin oranges, drained
1 - 8 oz can crushed pineapple, drained
2 cups sweetened shredded coconut
2 cups miniature marshmallows
1 - 8 oz container of cool whip, thawed
1/4 cup nut pecans
Marshino cherries (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:

Gently fold all ingredients together using a spatula.  Cover and refridgerate until ready to serve.

Martha's American Food...Or Everyone else's sweat and tears?

So I am torn. Today Barnes and Nobles offered the cookbook Martha's American Food for $12.99 with any purchase. That is a $40.00 book. I love to cook and I love to entertain but I have to question buying an American cookbook, or any for that matter from Martha Stewart. I love all Martha Stewart products, but as an individual she leaves a bad taste in my mouth. She is an entertainer and she is a crafter, all things I relate to but she is not a chef. It is all of her staff who create those books, so I wonder really are these recipes genuine, soulful and from the heart? I mean a forty dollar cookbook would be better served from Julia Child, Paula Deen, or Gordon Ramsey. Not Martha Stewart. Ugh.

She is not the nicest person in the world. Her past actions are questionable and I am not referring to her prison history.  When friends and acquaintances call me Martha Stewart, I tend to want to correct them. I enjoy being a Jackie-of-all trades but seriously the only genuine thing that Martha did was stamp her label on it before all the us other ladies had the ability to be the public eye.

Well at $12.99, I decided not to pass up the offer. I'll let you know what I decide on some of those recipes in time.



Grab your copy using the link below.  A portion of the proceeds of this link will support this blog.


Martha's American Food: A Celebration of Our Nation's Most Treasured Dishes, from Coast to Coast


80th Surprises and Sentiments

Invitation
I got a little sneaky at the end of March, which is why I have been MIA for the past few weeks.  My Gramma's 80th birthday was on April 1st and I wanted to be involved and do something special.  Unfortunately, I live over 1,000 miles away so I just assumed that we wouldn't get to do anything celebratory that included me.  Well, two weeks prior I decided to book a plane ticket without telling anyone.  Since I don't get to spend as much time with my Gramma as I would like I wanted to show her how I like entertain  (I moved away from home immediately following college graduation).  So to prepare for the big day I handmade invitations using my Aunt Peggy as a cover story.  She "hired" me to make invitations to invite the family over to Gramma's house for the Easter lunch that she was going to "bring" over.  I sneakily flew in to St. Louis on Friday, visited my bff Casie who was visiting from out of state, did all the shopping and cooking Saturday, and then Sunday morning at 10 a.m. showed up on Gramma's front patio with a homemade feast!!  I was soooo happy to be able to pull this off.  I love my gramma!!  Happy 80th!!

Menu

Pumpkin Muffins
Lemon Poppy Muffins
Shrimp Cocktail
Quiche Lorraine
Lemon Roasted Asparagus with Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper
Mini Fruit Kabobs
Chocolate Covered Strawberries
Mimosas
Blood Orange Italian Soda
Frutta d'Isola Italian Soda
Taste of San Antonio Coffee

 One of the best moments of the day was that I got to use Gramma's vintage dishes and utensils as the tableware.  

Thank you all for being my Easter brunch guest:  Gramma (Guest of Honor), Aunt Shirley, Aunt Peggy, Uncle Rick, Aunt Roberta, Aunt Sheila, Aunt Sarah, Uncle Homer.  Thank you Uncle Jim for transporting Aunt Shirley!

I do apologize to all my friends and family that I did not get to see make time to see that weekend.  I hectically did a turn around flight that following Monday.  I can't wait to visit with everyone next time!


Quiche Lorraine

Fruit Kabobs

Lemon Poppy & Pumpkin Muffins
Shrimp
Lemon Roasted Asparagus with Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper


Gramma's Place Setting

Fried Chicken



I have been reading The Help this week by Kathryn Stockett. I expected the book to be addicting but what I didn't expect was the burning desire to crave the food mentioned in the novel. I have never made fried chicken before but I have watched my gramma do it. Well when I say that I have watched her do it I mean that I have one memory of her cooking fried chicken on a summer evening, not actually seeing what she did to the chicken. So when Minny Jackson rattled off her instructions on how she made fried chicken I took a permanent mental note. Buttermilk, paprika, cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, flour, and Crisco.

Here we are:

Fried chicken
Fried potatoes
Corn

I'm not going to lie, I had planned corn casserole instead of the standard corn side dish but I forgot to put in the oven and it takes about 45 minutes.

Not hard at all! Only patience is required. I think next time I'll tone down the cayenne however!

~ Angela O'

2013 O'Mahony Irish Feast

Our annual celebration for our Irish heritage.  Yes, if you didn't figure it out from my blog name "With Angela O'  " my last name is very traditional Irish.  O'Mahony with no "E" and no it is not pronounced as O'Mahoney as many do.  However, before I married my very Irish husband I already had Irish in my maiden bloodline so it just made for a much more merry time!!

2013 O'Mahony Irish Feast
Sunday, March 17th 2013 @ 1:30 p.m.
Austin, TX

Menu: Corned Beef, Cabbage, Red Potatoes, Irish Butter, Irish Soda Bread, Dubliner Cheese, Cracker Assortment, Baileys Filled Guinness Cupcakes

 

Corned Beef
Cabbage
Swag Bar & Cupcakes

Swag Rack

Side Bar Decoration


2012 O'Mahony Irish Feast
Saturday, March 17th 2012 @ 6:00 p.m.
Austin, TX



Crazy Woman Went on a Rampage Today

Crazy woman at my grocery store went on a rampage today.  The customer was so impatient that she couldn't wait for me to be properly checked out in the line and certainly did not want to wait for my groceries to be bagged.  It also must have irritated her that the cashier and I were smiling and having a pleasant conversation.  Next thing I know, a shopping cart was being rammed into my butt.  Not once, not twice, not three times but however many times it took for me to be pushed out of the cashier line and literally down past the baggers.  Swallow this....She did it on purpose.  That's right ladies and gentlemen, she rammed her cart into my butt multiple times on purpose!!!  Today I was having a great day, the weather was beautiful, time was going by at a perfect rate, and I was in good company so lucky for her I just smiled and continued on my conversation.  I didn't even respond to her ignorance.  But get this...She pushed me so far out she got her pay back when I had to go back up to the cashier so she could start my second transaction on the conveyor belt.  LOL!  Hah, impatient grocery customer.  Chill your heels.  Naturally, I had to pay....well the lady stuck up her nose and turned her head because she wanted to refuse my access to the credit card swipe key pad.  I looked at her, pointed to credit card machine and said, "excuse me please, I need to get in there to finish my transaction".  She grunted and moved her cart at an angle 2 feet to let me in.  

 I left to load my vehicle and came back into to double check something for one minute and walked passed my cashier.  Her and I looked at each other and couldn't stop laughing!!  Believe it or not, yes Four Points we have a impatient woman who rampages at our local HEB ramming carts into your behind.  Gosh if only that 50-year-old woman's mother was around, I wonder if she would have tolerated that from her kid!

Baileys Filled Guinness Cupcakes

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!  As promised here is the recipe I used to make the Bailey's Filled Guinness Cupcakes.  I fancied this cupcakes up by making the toppers with scrapbook paper, a circular punch, spray glue and Martha Stewart's peridot glitter.  The recipe credit does go to ABC's Good Morning America show.  

Bon Apetit!

~Angela O'




Difficulty: Easy
Prep & Cook Time: 60-120 min

Cupcake Base:
1 cup stout (Guinness)
16 tbsp. unsalted butter
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. salt
2 large eggs
2/3 cup sour cream

For the Baileys ganache filling:
8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
(*Angela used Ghirardelli 4oz milk choc and 4oz bittersweet)
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tbsp. butter, at room temperature
2 tsp. Baileys Irish cream

For the Baileys butter cream frosting:
8 tbsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature
3-4 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted
4-8 tbsp. Bailey's Irish cream
 *Angela used 8tbsp of Bailey's and 1 tbsp of heaving whipping cream
Cooking Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350° F. Line two cupcake pans with paper liners. Combine the stout and butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder and whisk until smooth. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly. In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together the eggs and sour cream to blend. Add the stout-butter mixture and beat just to combine. Mix in the dry ingredients on low speed just until incorporated.

Divide the batter evenly between the cupcake liners, filling them about 2/3 to 3/4 full. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 17 minutes. Allow to cool in the pan for 5-10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. To make the ganache filling, place the chocolate in a heatproof bowl.

Heat the cream in a small saucepan until simmering, then pour it over the chocolate. Let sit for one minute and then whisk until smooth. If the chocolate is not completely melted, place the bowl over a double boiler or give it a very short burst in the microwave (15-20 seconds). Add the butter and Baileys and stir until combined. Set aside to let the ganache cool until it is thick enough to be piped. Pipe the ganache and enjoy.  **I used the cupcake corer to fill the ganache inside the cupcake.  It was very clean, easy and quick way to do so.  I purchased my cuisinpro cupcake corer from Williams Sonoma for $5.00

***GMA failed to give any instructions for the frosting.   So I just used my stand mixer to cream the butter and 4 tablespoons Baileys together, then added confectioners' sugar approximately one cup at a time.  About half way through adding the confectioners' sugar I added the other 4 tablespoons of Baileys and on a whim added 1 tablespoon of heavy cream.  Beat well.  

Irish Soda Bread



I make this every year for St. Patrick's Day.  It's my husbands favorite.  I'll also sneak it in a few other times throughout the year.  
Makes 1 loaf



Ingredients:


vegetable oil, for brushing

4 cups all-purpose flour, plus extra for dusting
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 3/4 cups buttermilk
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.  Brush a sheet with oil.  I'll admit I don't always brush the sheet and sometimes just use parchment paper.  



Sift the flour, salt, and baking soda into a bowl.  Make a well in the center and pour in most of the buttermilk.  Mix well, first with a wooden spoon and then with your hands.  The dough should be very soft but not too wet.  If necessary, add the remaining buttermilk.



Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured counter and knead lightly and briefly.  Shape into an 8-inch round.  Put the loaf onto the prepared baking sheet and cut a cross in the top with a sharp knife.  



Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until golden brown and the loaf sounds hollow when tapped on the bottom.  Transfer to a wire rack and let cool slightly.  



Serve warm, we like it with Irish butter.



*I originally found this recipe in an Irish Pub Cooking cookbook.  It holds many great recipes.

You Don't Know Me

Don't you find it odd (and rude) when someone who you barely know or is maybe just your acquaintance through work or a organization thinks that they know every part of you well enough to make decisions your behalf.  It's funny how some people actually think they know everything but don't take the time to learn about the people that surround them.  Here are some of the silly  situations I have encountered.

1. When I was in college I served on the Student Senate.  We traveled to St. Louis for a retreat and chose to dine at The Old Spaghetti Factory.  One of my fellow executive board members brought up how delicious Olive Garden salad was as we were choosing our salads to order that evening.  Everyone was commenting and when it became my turn I said "I don't like Olive Garden salad".  The person who started the conversation responded, a bit too much aggressiveness "It's not the salad you don't like, it's just the dressing you don't like".  Hmmm, I'm sorry but actually I despise Olive Garden salad for multiple reasons and the dressing is only one of them.  LOL!!  Try that I don't like the type of lettuce used or the salad toppings such as the olives or the pepperoncini.  FYI, my favorite salad of chose is leafy romaine Caesar salad.

2.  I am a fast-paced person.  I was never content growing up in the rural Midwest I always wanted to travel and be on my feet.  As soon as I graduated college I moved to Florida, literally within two days of graduation.  Now I'm in Texas.  I've always dreamed of living in California, any part.  One day while at the office a co-worker in midst of a light conversation about my next move says to me "Have you ever been to California? ..., Oh you won't like it".  How odd, shouldn't you let each person experience their travels for themselves.  Lord knows I am not like that person so why would I experience things in same way as them?

3.  Same story as number two, only it happened a few weeks ago with someone I have only spoken with two or three times over a course of two years.  The topic of chose was me visiting London, England.  Hmmm....REALLY?

4.  Years ago while lunching with some of my coworkers (the best of my coworkers friends) we got into a deep conversation about our parenting experiences.  When I say "our parenting experiences", I mean how our parents raised us as kids not how we should raise kids.  I personally have several not-so-savory memories from my childhood which I was sharing with a coworker friend who had compared similar situations of their own (I also have many great memories for you critics out there).  The HR person decided to walk into the conversation and literally challenge what our "bad" parenting experiences were, pointing out very racy child topics saying that she really felt they weren't a problem.  Now everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however it was very flabbergasting to me as to how this person chose to comment after walking into the middle of the conversation without real understanding of what we were discussing and how it affected us personally but decidedly felt like they knew best for everyone.

The one question I leave you with is: What exactly does it mean when someone says to me, about me ..."That's not my thing?"  Really, then please tell me in your words what you think exactly is MY thing?


Pancakes

I have been living off of pancakes since I was born.  They are one of the best foods in the world.  Comforting and delicious.  Thank you to my grandparents for introducing this important food into my existence.  As I entered adulthood I would make pancakes because they were a cheap staple on my grocery list.  I would purchase various brands of pancake mix sold in the breakfast aisle and cook them in a non-stick skillet, using Pam because that was just handy.  But truth be told the absolute best pancakes are made from Bisquick and cooked the traditional way in a cast-iron skillet with oil, thus getting crispy edges.  The cast-iron skillet and oil is the only way that my Gramma makes pancakes to this day.  In fact, I am not sure that she even owns a non-stick skillet.

To make them a little healthier I choose to use corn oil for cooking.  When mixing the ingredients I put in extra milk than what the recipe calls for because Bisquick makes a very thick batter.  Then I top them with a pat of real butter and Log Cabin Syrup.  

Bisquick Pancake from Betty Crocker:

2 cups Original Bisquick mix
1 cup milk
2 eggs

Enjoy!!



Sometimes I make half of the batter because it is only the two of us, other times I make the entire batch and put them in the fridge for the next day. 

The Linen Closet

Time has finely come for us to purge all of our towels and washcloths from our college days and twenties.

A mish mosh I absolutely hate includes one red joe boxer washcloth, a few cartoon and superhero cloths, and a cute little coral cloth with red hibiscus I made for all my bridesmaids.

Lord knows I can't stand it when certain things in my home aren't exactly how I foresee them. However, this one project I could never justify the necessity to change. At least not until this year. We had moved so many times and a couple of those moves were cross country. We rarely had overnight guests in our apartment and we are young with no children. So really why spend those extra funds on nice towels when it was only John and I? Don't get me wrong, I have a four nice thick and textured neutral colored towel sets that I keep on reserve for special occasions. They only come out when we have dinner guests, party guests, etc.

But now that it is time I am finding it hard to determine where to get our new towels. I need help ecspecially when sticking to some criteria. 1. They need to be an investment. Once these are purchased they better live through all my expectations. I do not want to replace them for a minimum of ten years. They had better not fray from wash or use. 2. They need to be thick and cushy. We need comfort. 3. I want a full set that matches from wash cloths and facial clothes to extra large bath towels and hair towels. 4. I need a large set in an even number. I expect all my dishes to be on twelves for entertaining and on some occasions in eights. I do not expect anything less from my towels. 5. I'm not opposed to colors but my all time classic favorites are sands and whites. It needs to maintain the classic through the test of time. 6. Since it appears that I will be buying at between 32 and 48 linens I need to get them at a spectacular price point.

So where is the heck do I buy all these requirements rolled into one at a decent price? I'm willing to hunt in upscale department stores like Neiman Marcus down to mass warehouse stores like Costco. Just as long as each requirement is fulfilled.

So I ask for your advice on where to find these towels and your guidance on a good price.



Undergarments from Walmart

This is why you shouldn't buy tights or pantyhose from Walmart!  I rarely purchase anything from Walmart so I am not sure why I have these.  Maybe they were clearance or maybe I got them when the only retail establishment within a 30 mile radius to me was a Walmart.  But holy crap there are awful.   There are lines up and down the entire hose.  And I would like to point out they are NOT from my nails.

Seriously?!!  One thing I don't have time for when I get ready to head out is crap like this. 


End of Era for Austin: Social Responsibilty




It is an end of the an area for Austin, Texas.  This is the last week that we will be able to freely obtain single-use plastic bags or paper bags from our grocery and retail shopping establishments.  As of March 1st the city has placed an ordinance against them being handed out.  There are many people who are mad about this and for reasons that I think are just from plain ignorance but the majority of Austinites are thrilled to abide by bringing their own bags.  Me?!  I am very relieved not to have to hassle with plastic bags anymore!  I hate having to carry those god-for-saken junky things that break before we get them in the house.  Granted we always have a double use for them since we own a pet.  But thank goodness we are being more responsible to the environment and more responsible to ourselves.  Why should it not be our duty that we bring our own bag to the store.  Other countries do it.  


Now to only get a Publix grocery store to Texas...

Well, at least we have the Whole Foods world headquartes here.... no other can compare to our beautiful downtown store.   Heck it is the best place in town to stop for lunch.


30 Growing Pains: When To Update Your Friend Status

A huge moment in my life is about to happen.  Thursday February 21, 2013 is my half birthday and while I've celebrated my half birthdays long since they were in the single digits this one in particular holds a lot of weight.  I will be 29 and a half, 6 months until I turn the big 3-0.  Turning 30 is a very serious deal that each woman must learn to embrace with open arms.  In the process of getting yourself ready to turn 30 there are usually trials and tribulations that each must experience before embarking upon the new journey.  Last August when I turned 29 I was excited to make the most of my last year as a twenty-something.  But when I turned 26 and 27 I cried because I felt like I was getting too old, too quickly.  When I turned 28, I forced myself to suck it up and not worry about it.

 One of those growing pains tends to rear its ugly head in the mid-to-late twenties when you realize that some of your relationships need to be questioned.  Those strictly platonic relationships.  The ones that either you really do rely on or you are just expected to maintain the relationship because it was strong in junior high or high school.

I have always been one to stay in touch.  I try very hard to keep up with someone and while I may have 6 months or a year of faltering I absolutely refuse many years to pass if I want to make sure to maintain a serious relationship with someone.  Recently, I contacted my friend Kayla who I went to college with.  We had a great time together as floormates and Co-RA's but for some reason when we graduated we went completely separate ways.  Oddly enough we were connected more than by college, we both had very dear family members in the same small town with a population of 1200 and our families went to the same church there.  So definitely that was a relationship not to be lost.  But for some reason we just forgot.

I always make sure to send a Christmas card to everyone who I feel is important enough to stay in our lives whether or not we talk to them regularly.  This way each person knows that even though we don't spend a lot of time chatting that we do think of them often.  This year our list was like 86 cards, trimmed down.  I know, gasp right?  It does get expensive but it is so worth it to have that communication.  And even though John and I are a couple with no children we try to send custom cards with photos to make the small amount of communication a bit more quality.  Now, I know some of you are thinking "why should I send a card to family and friends when they aren't going care enough to send one to me".  For ten years I have tried to stay away from that awful negative attitude.  I am a lover and I do want to embrace everyone.  So I shake my head and say of course I am going to send a card to ALL of my family and friends.  Well at my 29th Christmas I finally had an epiphany that probably came with age or pure exhaustion.  Why in the world should I try so hard for people who are either lazy or just don't care about relationships the way I do.   Immediately I tried to push the idea out of my head as it was very taboo and new to me but it the thought wouldn't leave my head. This was something that I had to bring it up to my best friend, Rhonda for some heavy criticism.  I needed to air out the topic with someone who is similar to me on many levels until I could determine what was just right for me.  So when my 30th Christmas arrives this December I will have a well trimmed list, well right now I have only pre-trimmed maybe 15 people but it is a start.  And I don't regret it one bit.  My best friends helped me to realize that this is the time in my life is about weeding out those great and amazing relationships from those that are struggling, crippling, or just useless.  Luckily I have a circle of best friends that bubble around my age so that we all  relate to the one another's crisis about the same time in our lives.  Rhonda is barely a few years ahead of me while Casie and Allison are a year or few below.  So between the four of us I would say my problems are solved, well almost.  Sometimes I do need to call on someone well beyond our years for that well-advised conversation.  That is were my aunts and Nannie come in.

 My first clue that I was outgrowing certain relationships was during the preparation for my wedding.  Actually no, it was probably during college when a specific friend would be dishonest about certain communications between us and constantly use the excuse "Oh you are always to busy for us to hang out".  I guess she was a master at my schedule since she only called me when she wanted something but of course I had to be the ultimate friend and hang on for dear life.  Partially because that was what was expected in our home life.  But once you start to prepare for your wedding you begin to realize that you're no longer a college kid anymore.  During my wedding I was far from everyone, but in a beautiful region that I dreamed to have my wedding...the coast.  Two of my bridesmaids were going to have to travel across country while the third lived in Florida but was attending college about 4 hours away.  I should have realized when one of them depended solely on one-way communication that something was up.  The bridesmaid refused to spend anytime with me during her weekend in Florida while all the other girls were at my side night and day. She then made up the excuse that she had told me ahead of time that she could not afford to get her hair done for the wedding.  Well at that point I just decided to give up because it wasn't worth it.  If she would have been open with me she then would have known that her hair would have been paid for...by the bride.  Each bridesmaid had something different were I would try to help them out, not much but something to offset the expense of a friends wedding.  Unfortunately I did pay full price for a bridesmaid who threw out to me 12 hours prior that she was not planning to accompany me anywhere.  Maybe another clue was when she made a snide comment about me smashing a bug on her wedding dress years prior when I was assigned dress bug removal duty at an outdoor wedding.  Who knows but it was long there....

 Another person who I called a great friend shared countless special moments with me.  From homecoming, shopping, and summer camp to parents divorces and marriages.  It was great and I thoroughly enjoyed spending nights at her house for sleepovers and hanging out with her parents.  We definitely went through a lot together but the one thing that always hung over my head is that she would steal from me.  Not money, she didn't need the cash, no she would just take things.  It was weird, I chalked it up to just something harmless she did because the things were so tiny and really meaningless material items.  In sixth grade, my crafty self started making and selling leather keychains with the pony beads and metal decorative plate.  You remember the trend?  The suede lace was strung through the center of the decorative plate (usually a circle or a heart) and the beads were placed on each end of the suede that was hanging out.  Oh, the trends in junior high.  It was very country.  Anyway she took one of those out of my bag while we were sitting in the cafeteria and said that another friend gave it to her.  Really she could have just asked me for it, I think I was only selling them for $1.50 or something.  Oh the silly woes of young ones.  It went on over the years with things like clicking pencil erasers and costume necklaces.  But other than that our friendship remained the same.  She was sweet to me and included me in a lot of activities and we always enjoyed one another's company so I ignored the subject quite a bit.  One day after high school the nail was put into the coffin.  This was ultimately our last sleepover as we were off to college, ready to embark our separate ways.  One last good hurrah.  She asked me if I wanted to see her coin collection that she had been working on over years.  It was a nice collection and I commented that way.  And then she said, "Now that I showed this to you, you aren't going to try and steal it from me, are you?"  I just looked at her in disbelief.  I couldn't believe that she would ask me that.  Of everyone in our large group of friends, I was the only one who didn't talk behind someone's back and I didn't spread horrible lies about each other like everyone else in our high school friend group.  She should know that I wouldn't dream of anything so disrespectful and not to mention I wasn't the one who stole things but that was when I realized that she was asking because she wondered what it would be like tables turned.  I guess a bit of morbid curiosity.  She is still nice but there are many other things that I realized that don't quite make us match up like a puzzle piece anymore.  Enough to fortunately know that is the type of situation I no longer will put myself in as an adult.

More recently I briefly visited some high school friends during a trip to Illinois.  As we were about to leave I passed out my goodbye hugs.  During those hugs I gave out one extra that was extremely awkward.  First of all let me clarify that I hate making people feel left out because I think it is extremely rude, even if I don't know them or don't like them.  I was raised to be cordial and polite regardless.  So I gave a goodbye hug to this one person who I have actually never been friends with but we had many mutual friends and were on the same sports team and shared classes.  We hung out because our friends hung out but frankly that was were it stopped.  The hug was so weird and so forced that after I thought what the heck am I doing?  No one else goes to such lengths and then comes out with a meaningless hug and awkward looks.  I don't want any hug that I give to be meaningless, it's sad and wasteful.  Looking back I did that with a Christmas present for her one year, perfume from a dollar store so she wouldn't be left out.  This was the moment I realized that I don't have to put myself out there because of someone else...I can just be myself and not be rude.  And not cave in to other peoples woes.

 But you know it doesn't stop there.  One of my Floridian friends had a scheduled lunch date with two of her own friends.  She gets to the restaurant and corresponds with them via phone and text messages the entire time.  They tell her that they are on their way.  This goes back and forth over something like a twenty minute period.  She finally orders her lunch without them so that she won't be late on her return trip to work.  They then tell her that they are going to arrive any minute and that they are not around the corner.  They never come.  They were just leading her on the entire time like school children.   After that they never explained themselves, just played around like kids.  Really?  Why stand-up someone at a lunch?!

 To make matters worse today we have new struggles that other generations have not ever had to face when it comes to relationships, those that come along with an internet attachment.  With all of this social media hype society has apparently forgotten common courtesy.  To some points were they are just rude and disrespectful.  Now I will clarify that this does not include an event where there are a mass amount of people invited and that you have posted an open invitation on a social site.  This is about a private event where you have sent out physical invitations and had private conversations with those guests, confirming their intent.  Last summer, I had an intimate dessert and drink event in celebration of my 29th birthday in our home.  Because of the specific party accessories I had chosen for this event I was limited to only eight attendees.  It was painful because there were some people who I wanted to join us that ultimately ended up on a waiting list.  It was strictly dependent on RSVP's of others that would decide if I could send the next person an invite.  I am not shallow and would normally not have a wait list for my birthday, we just had a very tiny apartment and anymore than 8 would have been uncomfortable.  One person decided after we discussed (their) attendance to text me ten minutes before everyone was to arrive stating that she sent me a Facebook message to back out of attending an hour earlier because of poor planning on her part.   In the text she mentioned that we will get together for lunch instead.  I contacted twice over the next few weeks and never heard from her again.  Awful, just awful.  So much for that summer of joyful company we had together, that was swiftly flushed down the toilet.  

 At the end of my journey it is sad that some of those friendships have had to come to a close, but I am not going to weep or loose sleep over it.  In fact, I am more relieved that they have.  At some point you have to realize for yourself that the person you platonic love for just is not good for you, requiring you to move on to have a successful life.  You enjoy the great moments that you had together and just be thankful they will shape you for the better.